First Time Secrets

The number one question that I receive from virgins is, “will it hurt?”

Of course that a perfectly normal thing to worry about!

And it’s not just the girls who are asking this, guys ask me this too. Well the good news for the guys is, no, it doesn’t hurt when you lose your virginity.

But the answer for the girls isn’t so simple.

Girls are born with a hymen (rare cases do occur where some girls are born without one). The hymen is a thin membrane of skin that partially covers the vaginal opening. There are all sorts of activities that can cause the hymen to tear (bike riding, horse bike riding, etc.) and you stretch the hymen when you use tampons. Usually the hymen tears a little in adolescents, but for the most part, stays intact enough that it will tear completely the first time you have intercourse. This is usually what causes the pain most girls will feel.

Having said that, it’s not the kind of pain you need to be terrified about. Most girls report that once the initial pain/discomfort of breaking their hymens has passed, they find sex “okay” to even “pleasurable”.

Well, the whole point of having sex is to experience pleasure (and make babies of course – but that is something you should be avoiding by using condoms).

Besides the hymen issue, girls can find intercourse uncomfortable if they aren’t physically ready for it.

So what can you do to make your first time as enjoyable as possible?

1. Feel ready emotionally, mentally and physically before you do it. (Don’t have sex for the wrong reasons)
2. Relax and go slow.
3. Have lots of foreplay (kissing, touching, stroking – whatever turns you on)
4. Use lubrication (like KY Jelly or another condom friendly lube that you can buy at the drugstore. Use your own saliva if you don’t have anything else!)
5. Pick a partner you trust, someone who will be gentle with you and whom you are able to talk to.
6. Use a trusted form of birth control and condoms to reduce the risk of STI’s. (Yes, you can get pregnant the first time and you can catch a disease. If you aren’t worrying about these things by using a condom, it will make your experience much better).

Sex is supposed to feel good. The more comfortable you feel, the more turned on you are, and the fact that you are really ready to lose your virginity will all help make your first time as pain free and pleasurable as possible.