First Time Secrets

Dear Samantha,

Well to start off with my boyfriend of somewhere around 4 years (it was one of those relationships that we knew that we liked each other and we eventually just became a couple with no set date or anything) fingered each other for the first time the other day. I know that it may seem weird that it took us four years but we are both 18 and in our senior year of high school. Anyways I managed to get him to ejaculate but when he took his fingers out of my vagina they were covered in blood. I am just curious if he broke my hymen and if when we do eventually have sex will it hurt even though i think my hymen has been broke?

Dear Kayla,
If you weren’t on your period then yes, the blood on his fingers was most likely due to your hymen “breaking” (tearing). Sometimes the hymen only partially tears, so don’t be surprised if you bleed again the first time you have intercourse.

Will it hurt? I can’t say for sure but I can tell you that there are ways to minimize the pain and that if it does hurt, the pain shouldn’t last long. It might feel more uncomfortable than painful at first but here’s what you can do to try and make your first time feel as great as possible:

- have lots of foreplay (the more ready your body is for intercourse, the better)
- use birth control (it’s very difficult to relax and enjoy sex if you’re worried about getting pregnant. Use a condom, or, because you are in a monogamous relationship, you could look into getting on the birth control pill)
- use a lubricant (the wetter you are, the better it will feel. Try a silicone based lube from a “love shop” if you can find one. They last longer than the water based lubes found at drug stores and they are safe to use with condoms. If you can’t find a silicone based one, water based is better than no lube at all.)

Good luck with your first time!
Samantha O